||[Apr. 27th, 2004|10:34 pm]
|||||Evanescence - Eternal||]|
i'm not sure what to say. i feel betrayed and hurt and dirty.
and scared shitless. i'm not sure what to do anymore. i don't know how i'm going to deal with the constant flood of nightmares, or the fear of him coming back for me. i don't know anything anymore.
i want to bang my head against a wall and scream for everything to just go away.
i'm lost in my own misery.
i don't like this anymore. i really don't. i seem to just be reliving it all every single breath i take. i can still feel him ontop of me, him shoving his tounge into my mouth, touching me, taking off...clothing...i hate this.
and i have a therapy session that i'm very much looking forward to in a bit less than an hour and a half. i'm so glad. i think i would die without it. -sighs-
and i'm pretty sure my great-grandmother just died. damn it. -sighs- god, i hate this. i really, really hate this. and now my mom's breaking down crying. -sighs- fuck. damn it all. damn it damn it damn it. i hate this. i really hate this all. why do i have to deal with this stupid fucking shit? god damn it all. fuck it all to hell.
i'm sorry. i hate living.