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.soft.wolf.

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[.god.damn.you.] [Mar. 22nd, 2004|03:05 pm]
.soft.wolf.
[mood |angryangry]

possible trigger for sexual abuse/swearing
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i feel like taking his heart and ripping it fucking out. i feel like hurting him and making him feel the hurt that hes made me feel. i feel like taking his life and smashing it. like killing him.

god i feel so horrible saying that i know i shouldnt but i do feel like that. he recently emailed me with a list of health problems that he has and all the bad things in his life. i just want to scream at him to fuck off and if lifes so bad for you then just imagine what its like for me sitting here fucking paranoid your gonna come back and try to rape me. i wanna ask him how it feels to know that you hurt someone SO BADLY they tried to kill themselves over it. i just want to beat the living shit out of him. fuck i hate him. i really do. i was up all night cuz after i got the email from him i was scared to go to sleep for fear that either hed show up at my house or in my nightmares. so i ended up getting a total of about 4 hours of sleep last night. not that thats more than the usual, its just that....i dont know. it was different last night.

he said he didnt have a family or anyone he could turn to. i feel so...fucking upset because theres a part of me that actually feels BAD for him. how can i feel BAD for him when he fucking did that to me? how can i not feel ANYTHING towards him except hate and yet a small part of me PITYS him? god im making no sense....

-sighs-

im sorry. for the venting, the swearing....ill try to stop.

<3
alex
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: hybridshadow
2004-03-23 03:24 pm (UTC)

*hugs you tightly*

Aww, Alex. Hun I'm so terribly sorry about Everything. I'm sorry he ever touched you, I'm sorry he's such an A**, and I'm sorry you received that e~mail from him. It's ok to be angry, you should be. I'd be extremely pissed off if someone did that to me, really. I think I can see why you'd want to hurt him... kill him. he Hurt you, Alex, it's human to want pay back. *hugs you tightly* God, Alex, I wish I could take away all that he has ever done to you. Maybe you should just tell him to go away. Why does he keep hanging around you after everything? Is he That Stupid? Does he seriously believe you're ok with it? Why don't you block his e~mail so you can't get e~mails from him? I don't know, I just don't want him to make you go through living Hell. Please hang in there, Alex... Take care of yourself, ok hun? I Love you a lot... I'm here for you.
Love,
Tina
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